dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
