i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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