Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
