i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
