After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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