My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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