The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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