4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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