Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
