we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
