when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
