My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
