I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
