I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
