Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
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Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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