I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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