Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
