I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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