Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
