my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
