He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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