Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
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i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
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I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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