i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
