I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
this hospital has no fireball
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
