You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
