she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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