I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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