i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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