I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
