I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
