Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My breasts were aching with rage.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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