I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
