i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
