Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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