It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
