In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
