I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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