she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
This toilet bowl is my home.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
