he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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