I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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