8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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