End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
