You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
