So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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