Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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