I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
