I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
