Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
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Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
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I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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