I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
