I want to make a zoo with you.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
