I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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