You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
