i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
