i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Your cock deserves a montage
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
