I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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