i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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