i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
