He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
