I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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