you guys were way drunker than both of me
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
