I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i was born a porn star she said
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
