either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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