I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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