Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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