I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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