I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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