what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
